Friday, January 4, 2008

Friends are not overrated

Back to Texas talk. Here's where we stand:

The Gearhead is now actively looking at the job market in the Dallas area. It's tough going when you're starting from scratch. He met with a friend whose family's business had a warehouse there awhile back, and got his input. He's talked with his friend who lives there. And last night, we sat down and talked and talked and talked. *sigh* Man, I'm tired of talking (which is weird for me - I talk a lot).

And now, the explanation for the title of this post. I find myself without a very close friend for the first time in my life. Gearhead has always thought it strange that I don't have long-time friends. His closest friend is one he's had since Jr. High, and he has several others from school, too.

I had a best friend in elementary and jr. high, and then a different one in high school, until about the age of 21. Then, we parted ways.

This is my pattern: During a specific time in my life, I make friends. Like, when I was single and working, I had a group of friends (a rather large group of friends). Then, I became a Christian and got married and had a whole new set of friends. I worked for about three years after we got married before having The Princess; then, all my friends were people with little kids who went to La Leche League. When The Prince was about 2-1/2, I had to go back to work in an office, and again, the friends shifted (though I do have one friend I made when I was pg with The Princess who I love, and we keep in touch). That was a most miserable time in my life; I hated leaving my kids to go to work. They were enrolled in a Christian school, and many good things came from that, but I missed them sooooo much. 'Nuff said.

I don't intentionally do this. I've just never met someone who I was so close to that the major changes in our lives didn't affect our friendship.

Then, I became a homeschooling mom, and I have an entirely different group of friends now, but no real bosom buddies. I think I'm weird. I really, really would like to have one person who I can talk to and just spill my guts, especially with all the ups and downs I've been going through lately. My friend in Texas is the one I talk to the most, but I can't just go to coffee with her, or go to her house to talk, ya know? The Gearhead (being my knight in shining armor) has said I can talk to him anytime, and I do. There's just something about having a girl-friend to talk to...

Anyway, that's why friends are not overrated. I was doing okay with not having close friends until recently, and now I'm hurting.

I don't think close friends can be contrived, either. I mean, you can't say "I'm going out to make a friend now! Okay, here I go!" and then find someone who fits the bill. God has to be there, orchestrating. Which makes me think there's a reason I don't have a best friend, but only He knows why.

There's one homeschool mom who I talk to on the phone, and we can talk, literally, for two hours (we did over the weekend). We've shared a lot of stuff, big stuff....really, really big stuff. But, during our last conversation, she said that she had a best friend who really hurt her, and now she doesn't trust anyone completely. So, I figure she's trying to say, "This is nice to talk to you, but don't expect us to be really close."

And this is why I'm happy to be blogging. It helps to write it out. I often write stuff out, then delete it, but this one's posting.


Gombojav Tribe said...

I feel your pain.

What complicates things for me is that I don't know where "home" is. I have left parts of my heart all over the country and the world. I have dear friends on different continents. This makes my life sort of compartmentalized. I'd love to have it all one glorious integration, but unless the continents shift again (we'll ask Al Gore what he thinks is the likelihood of that)it's not likely that everyone I love will ever be all together.

If you ever do want to go out for coffee, though, I'm here. I love to escape when the kids are all tucked into bed. Call me!

And we really DO want to have your whole family over for a visit one day soon! Now that the holidays are over we should put that on the calendar!

ClaireBoe said...

Thank you, Daja! That would be fun!

I can see how you would compartmentalize. I was wanting to ask you today how you cope with living far away from your family, but I just realized, you used to live REALLY far from them!

We'll be looking forward to coming over soon! :-)

Oh yeah, The Prince left his dad's beanie at your house. Could you bring it to park day?

Gombojav Tribe said...

Yes, I feel like I live NEAR my family! :-) I guess it's all relative!

Headless Mom said...

Making and keeping friends long term is tough. I think I'm more like gearhead in that my best friends are from way back in my life, and they all live in a different state. Headless Dad and I don't have any friends-couples or otherwise. I'm really trying and have one potential pal but she has lived here forever and has her built in pals. Even after 10 years here I don't have a girlfriend that I can go get coffee with and just talk.

I guess I'm trying to say that you're not alone and many of us adult women struggle with this regularly!

Alicia said...

wow, I felt like I wrote this. did you mention kindred spirit or something a while back? seriously, did you steal this from my head or something?