Saturday, November 8, 2008

I've been in a bit of a funk. Finances are super tight since my work nearly dried up. The Gearhead hasn't gotten as much side work as we would like, but is expecting a few checks soon. Our bills are paid, but I've had to charge groceries. We had done Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and I believe his philosophy (Biblically-based) is right on. However, when you don't have enough money to make ends meet, you can't very well pay off debt. I had sworn off credit cards, until there was no money for groceries.

All this to say, I have got to learn to stop worrying. God commands us to not be anxious, yet I am the anxiety queen.

"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard you hearts and your mind sin Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4: 4-7

Do I rejoice in the Lord always? Nope. Do I exhibit a gentle spirit, especially in stressful situations? Nope. I am so not everything that God has called me to be, and yet He gently guides me towards His heart.

It doesn't say that our prayers will be answered by God solving all our problems. It appears to me that merely praying and thanking and letting our "requests be made known to God" is what brings peace.

He grows us during trying times. Someone said recently, "Heaven would not seem as wonderful if our lives here were pain-free." I am not a citizen of this world, but of heaven. We should keep our minds on that, and realize that the trials here bring refinement.

The bottom line for me today is this: I worried, and fretted, and didn't sleep, and got angry. And then, I did some accounting for my notary business. I am not good at accounting, and only do it about twice a year. One company didn't pay me all year, to the tune of hundreds of dollars. It was a clerical error in their office. I am expecting that rather large check in the next few days, which will mean I don't have to charge groceries next week. The Gearhead is also expecting a couple payments, so maybe that will take us through the next month.

This is always how it goes. I have continued this same pattern for years. God is so patient with me. I am posting about this so that hopefully I will remember next time that He will not leave me or forsake me. We have never gone hungry (though a little less food would probably do me good). We have never missed a house payment, or even paid one late. We have decent clothes to wear. We drive old cars, but they get us where we need to go. And we have way more cars than drivers in this house. We are so spoiled in America!

I've been reading Pioneer Woman's blog this past week. Her husband and daughters were in the Dominican Republic with Compassion International. Please go there and look at the pictures they've been sending, and the ones her daughter took. I am ashamed to have complained about my situation.

Blessings to you.


Mrs. C said...

Oh, hugs!!! I'm sorry you are going through this and it is VERY VERY VERY hard to never complain. I mean, listen to Moses grouse in the Bible all the time, and he was chosen by God to do a lot of really great things.

OK, hugs again. :] I hope things get better soon.

for a different kind of girl said...

Our church is planning to put together a class based on that Dave Ramsey program. A few weeks ago, they handed out envelopes and suggested those of us interested tuck five bucks in each week so when the time came for the class, we'd have the fee ready to go. I'm interested in doing the program, but I leaned over to my husband and was all, "Um, do you ever have five bucks a week in your wallet to put in our envelope? Because I don't." He just laughed at me. Right in the middle of church.

So, yeah. I understand. I totally understand.