I think I hit my limit tonight.
You have probably gathered that my kids are named "The Prince" and "The Princess" out of a little bit of disgust on my part. I am thoroughly disgusted tonight. I can't even tell you why. I'm too embarrassed. But I will say, I need prayer, and lots of it.
Speaking of prayer: I pray a lot. All the time. I've fallen off the wagon as far as Bible reading and fellowship. I have felt isolated for a long time. Can't put my finger on the cause; I do know it's not God's fault. I went wrong somewhere, and now I have to make my way back. I'm so glad He's forgiving.
I know this sounds random.
If I don't write stuff down, it bounces around my head. I'm just remembering that I used to journal, and it helped to get my head straight. It's 1:00 a.m. I can't sleep for the stomach ache I have, caused by anxiety about my home life.
Thanks for reading, if you got this far. I'll be back to myself soon. Hopefully, an improved me, who actually feels like she's doing God's will. Yeah, that would be nice.
You know what got me on this bumming path today? A very young man (mid-20s) went swimming yesterday morning in a fitness pool. He died in that pool. No one yet knows why. This same man has a wife and two-year-old son. His wife is 7 months pregnant with a boy. She is so distraught that she is in the hospital with premature labor.
This young man returned from Iraq last August. He survived 18 months there as a helicopter pilot (medi-vac, I think). He was constantly shot at. We prayed for his safety all the time. And he survived.
I don't understand. I can't imagine. I'm so sad...and I've never met this family. I've met the young man's brother and his family. They are wonderful, God-loving people. Why?
My own problems pale in comparison. And yet, it drove home a sad truth; I'm not living up to my potential, and I'm not encouraging my kids to, either. I have work to do.